7th August 2026

I am not feeling good lately. I am stuck in this routine in which i dont feel life. I mean, I could probably live my life easier than i actually do, but is it living?

Since my graduation I would have never thought that i would have ended up here, working 9-6, taking care of my body, hanging out, waiting for summer or the so called “ponti” in Italy to do something outside this everyday things.

Maybe is the job.

Working in the lab is pretty nice… if you are involved in big projects or if there is someone believing in you enough to take some of their time to teach you. 1st year was pretty awesome, I learned a lot of things and probably i was even satisfied. This 2nd year is completely different. I am currently working on the same things over and over again that I started to want to learn different things that’s why I ended up learning python, taking class on steel elements and studying again, so my mind can feel a little bit of joy on learning new things. But it wasn’t the lack of learning and knowledge, it was the fact that i was heating a chair and do the staffs without a direction. So what am I? I don’t want to waste my time, i see and manifest that i can be more than this.

Maybe is love.

Ok. Move on? I don’t really feel to talk about love here, cause I think it’s not the major issue, it can surely help me in this new chapter of my life but let’s talk about that in another paragraph.

Maybe is my lifestyle.

I have always put saftey first in my life, when I drive, when I run, when I approach new people and so on, that’s why I see the routine the safiest way to live life. You do the things you do everyday and you feel safe on doing them. Would you change anything? No, right? I have never changed what works but now is not working anymore… Wake up - go to work - run - eat - go out - sleep. I started to learn new things so i don’t get bored but now, is not enough. I am poorly letting this feeling of staying secure that I shutted down every little window that looks outside this routine. Is it really like this?

Maybe are the people.

Stardards and expectations, what a hell.